Monday, April 10, 2006

I am going STRAIGHT to hell

Honestly, I am. Last Friday night, in a moment (well, several moments) of weakness, I smoked a couple of cigarettes (and I don't even SMOKE!) after repeatedly telling everyone I had given it up for lent. I don't even LIKE it. I don't do it regularly, I don't do it irregularly, and I "gave it up for Lent" in all honesty as a bit of a joke. Normally, I don't have any desire to touch the cancer sticks. But sometimes... Sometimes, when your so drunk and you start to get upset and weepy for no reason at all, and you have no idea why you've just asked for that 4th cocktail, the only way from keeping yourself from completely breaking down is to bum a smoke of a friend. (Who also assures me she only smokes when she's drunk too). Oh the shame of it all. The "I only smoke when I'm drunk" smoker. Strangely though, I am actually ashamed. Even though I know that giving things up for Lent is passe, and no one really cares, and I didn't think I did. However, even as I trying to recall Friday night, when I made sure that everyone who did know my lenten promises couldn't see me, I did feel like I was letting myself down. How corny is that? I couldn't even stop myself from doing something I said I wouldn't do for 40 days, and that I don't even do anyway. I have no self control.

Yeah, going straight to hell.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm sure if you are going straight to hell - it's not because of the smoking during lent. Besides you did several much worse things on that Friday. k