Thursday, February 22, 2007

Makes you want to smash your head repeatedly against a wall


After 5 freaking months, I am still not the owner of my god damned flat.

I was expecting to be able to exchange early this week, but lo and behold, it's Thursday and still no joy. My solicitor called me today to say that as far as they were concerned they have all the necessary paperwork, and asked for which dates I would like to complete on (i.e. which day do I want to get the keys to my first flat). After much deliberation and thought, I replied back with "I want the keys yesterday or sooner". So I call the estate agent, a sleazy little man, who if I ever hear his voice or see him from now until the end of time, it will be too soon, to tell him that I want my house now, and to this he says:

"Well, because this whole process has taken so long, it seems that the vendors original mortgage offer has fallen through, so he is in the process of getting a new one approved. We don't think it will take too long, and hopefully he will not need another survey done. This will obviously put a delay on completion."


I am not the very soul of a good human as I am fuming, angry, and want everyone involved with this house sale to get into a car, cover themselves with petrol, light a match, and drive off a cliff.

So when I tell the estate agent that I can't believe that this is happening, and that the sale of this house is going to fall through, he says in his sleazy, disgusting little way:

"Don't get stressed. Go and drink some camomile tea or something". - No, why don't you go and shove your camomile tea up your arse you nonce.

I am not impressed. I am now waiting to see if the vendor his gets his new mortgage offer, and am now planning on moving to my new place, ooh, I dunno, March, 2008. I wouldn't want to be too optimistic about the date now would I?

On the vaguest of vague plus sides, I'm off to Brussels tonight, which is my spiritual home, for the weekend, so I won't be back until Monday. I'm sure I'll have lots of pics of us eating gaffres and chocolate. To the minus side, my stomach is still going crazy, so right after I eat the gaffre and chocolate, I'll probably need to go run for a loo to not injest calories again. Damn damn damn.


Mayren said...

Someone should punch your estate agent. He sounds rather slimy.

Trying to "Panda" said...

He is the very characiature of the sleazy estate agent, right down to the short, squat, sweaty, thick gold chain wearing detail.

Not a Cookie Cutter said...

That is hilarious! I think I am going to start using the "drink some chamomile tea" line or perhaps maybe I will say something like "take a quick breather and let me know when all is good" I am sure that will go over really well.
How awful, I am sorry you are being delayed! Waiting is so not fun...
Perhaps in response to your agent's suggestion you could have said "Oh don't get stressed, just have some tea...that is swell idea, wow just the thought of the tea has made me completely forget the fact that I should already be sitting in my new flat"
Good luck!