Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Tosh Tosh

FINALLY! After 5 years, countless National Insurance payments, rounds of beer at the pub, and football matches, I am now officially a legal copy of my Aussie passport, £300 & a high tea at the Ritz away from being British! I passed my Life In Britain test this morning! This involves reading a massive book about all things British where you learn:
  • What is a QANGO (Quasi-Autonomous Non-Governmental Organisation).
  • What to do when you spill a strangers drink in a pub
  • What to do when you don't get on with your neighbours
  • The percentage of women to men in Britain (51%-49%)
  • That if you're pregnant, you get loads of free stuff and you're fast tracked for things like housing, benefits and dental care (I guess to make for the fact that you have to have a screaming child break free from your body in what I can only assume is the most painful thing a woman will ever experience in her life).
  • You can't get divorced in the first year of marriage.
I'm pretty certain I got almost all the questions right, bar 1 (which 2 organisations charted the Human Rights Act). The funniest thing that happened during the test is that the old man sitting next to me got caught cheating. He kept looking at the questions, then his hands, then started rubbing them, at which point the supervisor noticed him doing something suspicious, and said "Is that writing on your hands?". When the old guy protested and said no, the supervisor said "I'm sorry, either I'm blind or you've got the answers written down. You'll have to leave please". Lordy what a fuss the old man made when he had to be physically removed from the exam room, screaming the whole time. Whilst I did feel sorry for him, that didn't stop me from having a little giggle about it...

Right-o old chaps! I'd better start drinking tea by the bucket, wanting to shoot foxes, and complain about all these foreigners coming into Britain! Tally-ho!


Anonymous said...

what DO you do when you spill a drink on a stranger in a pub???

Anonymous said...

You don't shoot the foxes - that's not cruel enough. You chase them for miles with your horse and then tear them apart with your dogs.

Anonymous said...

Or if you're part of the aristocracy with your bare teeth. ;-)

Trying to "Panda" said...

Multiple choice:

1) Take the now empty glass, smash it on a table, and scream "WANNA PIECE OF ME?!"
2) politely offer them a new drink

Can't remember which one it said to do in the book...