Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Sickedy sick sick sick

I've been sick. This, in fact, has been the 4th day I've had a pretty horrid cold, which has moved from tonsilitis like symptoms where my gynormous tonsils have gotten so big I can't breath if I tip my head in a certain way, to a blinding sinus headache, which has led me to squint at the sun, clutching my eyes and head whenever I moved, and I've blown my nose so much I think I've blown out my left eardrum.....

Despite all of this suffering, I've now had 2 days off from work, and I've got to say, I really like it. I like it so much, that I think I could do this for a living, however that might constiute as me being unemployed, thus making rent a thing of difficulty.

In the last 4 days, I've watched copious amount of absolute trash that I've had recorded on my tivo for the last few months, and there is a lot of glorious rubbish on freeview. I won't go through it all (though a quick aside, I've sacrificed myself so you don't have to: never, ever, ever, ever watch Elizabethtown. It's TERRIBLE. Even now, I couldn't say what it was about, because this film did not know what it was about.. love story? story of a mans failure at work? story of a man trying to connect to his now dead father? Road trip story? I do not know. It was TERRIBLE. I like Susan Sarandon. I do not like hearing her say the words "I felt my neighbours boner" whilst she's on stage, before going into a tap dance routine as a commemoration to her late husband,
whilst a rock band play and a giant papermache bird cathes on fire that causes an entire hotel to almost burn down. Do you understand what I'm talking about? That's ok I don't either).

Anyway, the absolute worst thing on tv right now is ITV's Ladette to Lady. This is ITV at it's all time low. This type of reality tv is even worse than shows about people who like to "do" their pets, or "plastic surgery gone wrong". Basically, they've taken a bunch of badly educated, poor girls who like to get wasted on weekends, get into fights and flash their breasts in nightclubs, and are using 1950's etiquette school training of eloqution, society ettiquette, cooking, dressmaking lessons, and the most important skill of flower arranging to try to turn them into "ladies". All of the teachers, one of whom I am convinced is a man dressed up in drag to look like the queen with horrendously yellow, crooked teeth, are filmed trying to "teach" these girls all the while making them feel as bad as they possibly can about themselves through a heady mix of bilttelling, flattery, and screaming. At the end of every epiosde there is a big dinner party with "Britains most eligible batchelors" where the girls mix "with millionaire stockbrokers, viscounts and gorgeous heirs". (some of whom are old enough to be their fathers "yar yar, do you think any of them would like the 'older gentlemen' yar yar"). At these dinner parties, these "gentlemen" get these girls really drunk, then try to take advantage of them (I saw one dirty old one man actually pinch one of the girls nipples, whilst she had to cling to the chair she was sitting on because she was way too drunk). The only reason why these men are allowed to be called "gentlemen" is because they have alot money and a posh accent. These rich, discusting, lame and sorry excuses for "men" should really never, ever be allowed out of their pens, because they are absolute pigs, and I don't understand why having money means a man feels they can grope a girl infront of a camera. At the end, the girls are all lined up, and verbally executed by their teachers, before one of them gets thrown out of the school. The girl who leaves is filmed, wiping her nose with her hand, whilst proclaiming she "don't fff-huckin' need dat anyways, cos I don feel like me, know-wha-I-mean", then they burst into tears because they don't want to go. I know it's wrong, but this show has to be the very definition of car crash television, you know that it's wrong, and bad to stare at these vicitims going through hell, but you just can't look away. Besides, I now am am desperate to know if the blonde skinny girl who knocks backs drinks, gets really drunk, then makes a complete arse of herself will get thrown out. Somehow I doubt it...

So, that's where I've been for 4 days now. On my couch, watching tv, drinking juice, and, in the proper tradition that would make my mum scream, eating candle toasted marshmallows on a fork. The good news is that I've finally started to feel better, the bad news is that means I have to go back to work.

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