Champagne And Cognac

On our 3rd day in St Martin, I felt possibly one of the worst hangover's I've had in years. The type of hangover which leaves you holding onto the floor for dear life, where even contemplating getting off the bed makes you feel sick, and means you end up torturing yourself by watching 2 episodes of Charmed back to back because working out how to use the remote control is too hard. (Charmed for fucks sake. I want those 2 hours of my life back). And, because blaming my own stupid mistakes on everything by myself is one my special gifts to the world, this time, the brunt of my blame is going to Champagne Cognacs.

On our second night in St Martin the hotel we were staying at had a casino night, which for $10 each, involves taking us to a casino, giving us $10 worth of chips, feeding us free pizza's and the three sweetest words in the English language: an open bar. Now, I don't think of myself as a wussy drinker, especially when it comes to cocktails. I've long since replaced sweet girly drinks like Mai Tais or Mudslides, for Dirty Martinis (yum), Old-Fashioneds, and straight JD. So when I saw someone at the bar ordering Champagne Cognac's I thought "wow, what a great idea! I love Champagne, I love Cognac, where has this been all my life? PLUS this has got to be an expensive drink normally and it's gonna be FREE!!" (being thrifty with drinks is another one of my special gifts to the world). By this stage, we'd already been to the little pre-casino party at the hotel where I had drunk their free rum punch, plus 3 more rum punches at the casino (which was more RUM than punch), a few G&T's and some strawberry conncoction. All of this free booze meant that my inner alarm system which usually warns me off doing or drinking stupid things, had gone from a "RED ALERT! RED ALERT! WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!" sound to more a pathetic "umm.. hello.. umm.. is this the best idea? Cause you're pretty pissed now, and maybe ". So, I climbed into these devil spawn cocktails like I was dying of thirst. Now, if you thought that 1/3 cognac mixed with 2/3's champagne would taste good, think again. It tasted AWFUL. Kindof like a heady mix of lighter fluid and petrol, in a cute champagne glass. You'd think that the taste alone would stop someone from the first sip. But oh no, not stupid as two planks me. Not only did I realise that a) this tasted like fizzy meths, and b) this would fuck you over quicker than actual meths, I went ahead and finished my first glass, then went on to have 2 more. Which is why I probably then went from winning money at the casino to thinking I was invincible and putting $20 bill after $20 bill into the slot machines as fast as I could get them out of my wallet.

Who ever thought Champagne and Cognac was a good mix should be put over a rack, on top of burning hot coals, and be stabbed with pokers. Or I should just learn that just because methylated spirits posing as cocktails are free, doesn't mean I should drink it until I almost pass out.