This is how sad the Flatmate and I are. Did we spend our evenings going out with all the fantastic and rich yacht owners which we should have met? Or did we going out clubbing every night until dawn? Or did we go clubbing even once? Or did we even go to the local bar which was literally 2 mins from our hotel room to have a few local brews? Did we? No, ff course we bloody didn't. No, we would go out for dinner, then come back all bloatey, having eaten way too many BBQ ribs, and crash on my sofa bed. Then we'd flick the telly on, and watch crap. Lots and lots of crap.
Not only did we actually leave a restaurant early on the last night to watch a bunch of pre-pubescent children try to outspell each other in the National American Spelling Bee Finals ('weltschmerz'. Definition: A German term meaning "world pain." It describes a sense of anguish about the nature of existence, usually associated with a melancholy, pessimistic attitude.) What kind of 13 year old knows the word 'weltsmerz'? Not the Canadian girl who came second, that's who.). I was really disappointed the Candian girl didn't win. Not only cause I thought she was cool, but also cause I thought the girl who did win looked like a dork (how cruel, how cruel). An annoying, know-it-all, 'look at me I know how to spell 'Usprache'. I'm a really goody-goody orthograpical geek, who never goes out, but spends all my time spelling wierdo words so my parents can live their own meaningless lives through me, by forcing me to take part in this spelling bee'. (I really didn't like this girl )
We also wasted 6 hours of our lives to Big Love.
"Think having three wives is a dream come true? Meet Bill Henrickson, a modern-day Utah polygamist who lives in suburban Salt Lake City with his three wives, seven children, and a mounting avalanche of debt and demands."
We honestly could not understand what the fuck this show is about. As near as we could understand it, the main guy was some sex starved viagra popping mormon, who was using his religion to fool these women into believing that it's dandy fine to let him go and screw around and have kids with other women as long as he called them his 'wives'. One of the more bizare scenes was when the guy went to threaten some 70 year old polygomist (for scamming him out of money we think), and the old dudes 14 wives (with ages ranging from 70 to 16) caught him in their house and attacked him screaming "GET HIM LADIES! GO FOR HIS PRIVATES! GO FOR HIS PRIVATES!". As far as we could make out, these mormon polygomists may think it's bad to have just one wife, but they are perfectly ok with lying, scheming, cheating, blackmailing and having 'affairs' with your wives (we think that means having sex out of turn.. #1 wife should not have been getting nookie on Tuesday, which was clearly #2 wife's turn)
Despite this show being strange as fuck, the Flatmate and I are extremely excited to see that Big Love is coming to Channel 5!!! This Monday! Watch it and be as confused as we were. Try it with a few glasses of wine or rum punch, and a big bowl of doritos balanced on your belly (which is very easy on my ever expanding belly).
Big Love. Old people gettin' laid in hicksville USA.